Funny cleaning jokes - some clean jokes, some not so clean jokes

Some cleaning jokes, with funny videos at the bottom.

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Clean Cleaning Jokes

The true, short story of every parent:
“My house was clean. Then the kids woke up. The end.”

Post a sign on your door that says: “My house was clean yesterday. Sorry you missed it.”

I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a parent. (Well, some became professional cleaners and housekeepers)

Every time you get the urge to clean, watch Hoarders. You may decide your house isn’t that dirty after all.

A physicist moved from the country to the noise of the inner city… and found the noise there insufferable. but, being a man of science he lined the walls of his apartment with broken hoover’s, dirt devil’s, miele’s Shark and dyson’s, because sound can’t travel through a vacuum.

My room is not dirty. I just have everything on display. A bit like a museum.

A clean house is a sign of no internet connection. (or a Char person)

You never know what you have…until you clean your room.

More clean cleaning jokes

When it’s your turn to host a gathering and your guests ask what they can bring, tell them dark socks and low expectations.
Instead of vacuuming the sofa, just flip over the cushions. Take that, to do list!

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like brushing your teeth whilst eating cookies.

Jim visited his elderly grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, John’s grandpa prepared a fry-up.
Jim noticed a film-like glaze on his plate, and asked, “Are these plates clean?”
His grandpa replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal.”
For lunch, Grandpa made sandwiches.
Again, Jim was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have specks of dried egg on it. “Are you sure these plates are clean?” he asked.
Without looking up, Grandpa said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them!”
Later, as Jim was leaving, his grandpa’s new dog started to growl and wouldn’t let him pass.
John said, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me get by!”
Grandpa yelled to the dog, “Cold Water, go lie down!”

What do you call a vacuum cleaner with boxing gloves?
Mike Dyson / Dyson Fury

A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet when the phone in the kitchen rings. “Hello,” says the man answering it.
“Hi,” says a high woman’s voice. “This is Gloria, the housekeeper.”
“Oh,” says the man. “Hi Gloria.”
“Hi, Mr. Foster. Sorry to call so late. I figured you’d be back later, so I planned to leave a message. You see, I had a problem when I was cleaning the bedroom.”
“What sort of a problem?”
“Well, when I was trying to make your bed, your envelope of emergency money, you know, the one you keep under the mattress, it fell out.”
“Well, what’s the problem, Gloria?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure just where to put it back, so I just put it under the bottom left corner. Is that okay?”
“Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Gloria. I appreciate it.”
“Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room, I found that diamond ring you’ve been missing.”
“That’s wonderful, Gloria! Where did you put it?”
“In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course!”
“And how did you lock it?”
“First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out and tried the top to make sure it was locked,” says the housekeeper, revealing how well she remembered his instructions.
“Good! And where did you put the key?” “In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good china.”
“Fantastic!” says the man, impressed.
“Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys to the Porsche in that adorable little box. I know your wife is going to be so surprised.”
“Stupendous. Thank you so much, Gloria. You are really a great housekeeper.”
“Thank you, Mr. Foster, and have a nice night.”
“You too, Gloria. Good night.” The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy, and says with a grin, “This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!”

Warning – Not so clean jokes
Again.. Warning – Not so clean Jokes.

One way to get a pay-rise
Maid: I need a raise
Wife: You already had a raise
Maid: That was 18 months ago
Wife: Why do you then deserve this raise?
Maid: I am better than you in many things
Wife: Ok tell me
Maid: I am better at ironing clothes than you
Wife: Who told you?
Maid: Your husband.
Wife: Okay
Maid: I also am better at cooking than you.
Wife: Now who told you that?
Maid: Your husband.
Wife: Okay.
Maid: And I also am better than you in bed
Wife: Did my husband tell you that too?
Maid: No the postman did.
Wife: ……………..
Wife: Okay, how much raise do you want?

Been sitting in the ER all night. Don’t really want to go into details but…
The “Dyson Ball Cleaner” has a very misleading product name

Nobody cleans a house quicker than a man expecting to get laid! … although Dolly Char vetted cleaners will put up some competition.

Warning – Next maid joke contains violence

A millionaire dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, “Who is this?”
“This is the maid,” answers the woman.
“We don’t have a maid!”
“I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.”
“Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”
“Ummm… she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband.”
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make £50,000?”
“What do I have to do?”
“I want you to get my gun from my desk in the study and shoot that b**** and the jerk she’s with.”
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. “What should I do with the bodies?”
“Throw them in the swimming pool!”
“What?! There’s no pool here?”
Long pause. “Uh… is this 01507******?”


Funny Cleaning Related Video’s (Warning – May contain profanities or distressing scenes)

Who feels sorry for her?

Do NOT try this at home!

Well done, dad!

This is so funny. best cleaning prank… ever!

I hope Dolly Char vetted cleaners don’t ever encounter this situation – prank or not!

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